I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize