Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
