I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
