Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
