I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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