we have pet lesbian snakes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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