Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
