Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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