my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the condom got lost in my hair
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Randomize
