Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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