Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
