Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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