The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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