I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize