I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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