I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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