I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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