What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
