seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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