Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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