I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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