I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You ruined the universe
Randomize