She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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