LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
