i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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