Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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