life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
