Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
