I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
