i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
