Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
