my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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