OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
