can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
