Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
