I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
