I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
