She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
