The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Randomize
