And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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