I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
