Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
