hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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