playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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