So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
