"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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