Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
