I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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