my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
