Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize