My room smells like vodka and shame
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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