Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
