I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
