We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
