Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
