You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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