don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
