Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
