remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
