I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
After last night, I could never be a politician.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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