Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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