Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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