I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
